Here we go

It's a bit wierd that I should be starting this blog on a day that I have flown back from Carcassonne to London, when the whole point is to write about my experiences in France, but actually my current life would not be possible without the much maligned Ryanair.

When it all runs smoothly it takes me 4 hours to get from home in North London to home in Carcassonne, which, when you think about it is pretty remarkable and I have made the journey so often now that I have the whole thing down to a well-practised schedule.

Everyone I know moans about Ryanair and their service and yet everyone I know uses them at some time or another. I, for one couldn't do without them. I guess I have got used to their idiosyncracies and inurred to the money-making practices that seem to offend most people. The pricing policy gets up most people's noses. The joy at clicking on a 1p outbound and 1p return flight is completely negated when your final bill, with taxes, charges, baggage fees, on-line check-in fees and credit card fees totals about £80. It makes people feel a bit ripped-off and resentful even though actually £40 each way is still a pretty good deal. From a PR point of view the pricing policy makes no sense.

I adore the fact that they schedule the arrival time as 2 hours after take-off time, then calmly announce on the plane a flight time of 1 hour 40 minutes and finally try to take credit for arriving early. Of course you will arrive early when you've got a built-in 20 minute leeway to work with. No wonder their 'arrived on-time' stats always look so good.

I can recite from memory every word of the in-flight service which is exactly the same on every flight. The training must be some sort of brain-washing technique because every flight crew recites exactly the same words at every stage of every flight.

I now know how to avoid the extra charges. No travel insurance, no bags in the hold and no in-flight service. On the whole, the cabin crew do a good job, so I would like to thank every David, Ian, Michael, Didier, Jose and Stefan, every Tracy, Michelle, Nancy, Dominique, Natalya and Ingrid for their polite attempts to make me buy from their selection of sandwiches and snacks, hot and cold drinks, gift items and scratch cards from which you can win an 'Ordie TT'.

There are two things that will make me part with my money. Firstly, buying a Stansted Express ticket on the plane at a £5 discount is just plain financial sense if you have to use the train. Secondly, the £2 charge allowing you to check-in on line and, therefore, have priority boarding not only guarantees that I will be virtually first on and first off every time, it guarantees fabulous stunned looks of astonishment and indignation from worthy 'but I've got children' mothers who have to stand aside for me. "I know it is rather strange but having a child doesn't get you priority I'm afraid - now excuse me please"